Please welcome my good friend and Certified Financial Planner (CFP®) Shannon Ryan from The Heavy Purse as she guest posts today.
When I was 13 years old, my father began giving me “money lessons” while we ate dinner, and I had no idea how these simple lessons would change my life. He didn’t focus on how money worked, but instead he showed me how my emotions affected my spending habits and money beliefs. With his guidance, I changed how I viewed money – from lack and fear – to one of abundance. Most importantly, I learned how to make financially confident decisions that aligned how I used my money with my goals and values. It felt great.
It wasn’t until college that I realized what a special gift my father gave me. Many of my friends and classmates had not been taught how to handle money wisely. Money wasn’t discussed in their homes, so they learned by trial and mostly error. I wanted to help them and became a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®). For the past 22 years, it’s been my honor to help families and individuals reclaim their money happiness.
How Money Habits and Beliefs Are Formed
One trend I noticed repeatedly was that many of our money habits and beliefs formed when we were children, not adults. We observed how our parents handled money and mimicked them, inheriting their money hang-ups along the way. We then grew up to pass these same hang-ups to our children, continuing the vicious cycle.
I’ve made it one of my life’s missions to help improve financial literacy in children and make money a comfortable topic in our homes. If we can instill good money habits and beliefs in young children, they will be equipped to make better decisions with their money as adults, thus minimizing the financial problems that affect so many today.
While there are countless money lessons we need to teach our kids, there are four basic principles that every child (and adult) needs to understand. I started talking to my girls about money when they were toddlers and today, at ages 10 and 8, Lauren and Taylor have fully embraced these principles and are financially confident kids.
1. Money Needs a Purpose
This is the most important concept your children must understand: Money needs a purpose. Without purpose, money is just paper. The purpose or goals we give our money is what makes it valuable.
To help my daughters give their money purpose, we set annual save, spend and share goals as a family and individually. Every time the girls earn or receive money, they immediately divvy it up between their save, spend and share goals. When they find something they like at the store, they slow down and ask themselves, “Will this bring me closer or further away from my goals?”
I taught my girls to use their money on what truly matters to them or what makes their hearts happy by setting goals. It keeps them from spending mindlessly, and they don’t feel deprived when they choose to honor their goals over a new toy that means little to them when compared against their goals.
2. Money is Earned
There seems to be an unfortunate belief you must say “yes” to everything your kids want in order to be a good parent. I certainly want to give my girls the best life possible, but that doesn’t mean giving money on-demand. This is one of the most common mistakes parents make today.
It may seem innocent, but it easily becomes habit-forming for both parents and kids. Kids may become dependent or feel entitled to Mom and Dad’s financial support and face a harsh reality when they leave home and fend for themselves.
Sometimes Mom and Dad are unable to cut the financial cord and end up supporting their adult children indefinitely. This happens more often than you may realize and not because their children suffered a setback or emergency. They simply expect their parents to bail them out of their financial woes.
How To Avoid Becoming the Bank of Mom and Dad
I’ve worked with parents in this situation and it’s tough. Your best defense is not to be put in this position in the first place. And it starts by making sure your kids understand money is earned, not given. I provide ample opportunities for my girls to earn money through our weekly Job List.
They choose which jobs they will do, which allows them to decide whether they earn a little or a lot. If they do an excellent job, they may even earn a bonus or they may only receive partial payment or nothing at all, if they do a poor or incomplete job. My daughters’ future employers will thank me someday for instilling such a strong work ethic in them.
3. Money is Emotional
We don’t often realize how our emotions influence the way we spend our money, but our frustration, loneliness, boredom, anger and yes, even joy and love, can cause us to spend mindlessly. The two biggest emotion traps are:
Playing Keep Up
Kids today are surrounded by marketing 24/7, telling them all the things they must-have. This is why goals are so important. If your kids know what they truly want, it’s much easier for them to tune out the other noise. They instead work towards achieving their goals or the things that make them the happiest.
I “Deserve” This or I “Earned” It
Almost everyone has uttered the above phrase at some point in their lives and likely bought something to appease those feelings. It’s a bad habit to get into because it becomes incredibly easy to justify your spending.
Remind your kids that they do deserve a great life, which is why they set goals, so they get the things that matter most. Those “deserved or “earned” purchases actually make it harder for you to create the life you truly deserve, because you spent the money intended for more important things and now delayed goal achievement.
Bonus Tip: You can help your children grasp these principles by being a good financial role model. Demonstrate the behavior and beliefs you want them to emulate. For example, when you have the urge to buy something because you had a bad day, tell your kids, then tell them why you chose to honor your goals instead.
4. Money is a Gift
Money is power in today’s world, and kids realize that very early on in life. It’s up to us to teach them how to wield that power wisely and responsibly. I do it through our family share goal and by demonstrating a gratitude mindset, where money is seen as a blessing, not an entitlement.
Every day, I tell the girls how grateful for I am for things we have and are able to do. I know not everyone is as fortunate. Giving back or sharing has become a core family value and one the girls have fully embraced. They don’t fear or hoard their money, but make financially confident decisions, so they can use it with joy on themselves and others.
Start Talking to Your Kids about Money Today
Money has long been a taboo topic in our homes and it’s time for that to end. Every single child will grow up to handle money and every aspect of their life will be affected by their ability or inability to handle it well. Do not force your children to figure it out as they go, but talk to them now and help them develop a healthy relationship with money. It will be one of the greatest gifts you give your children.
Author Bio: Shannon Ryan is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®) and Mom on a mission to help busy parents teach their children simple, value-based principles that guide their money decisions and support their long-term financial well-being. For more tools and tips to raise financially confident kids visit The Heavy Purse or connect with Shannon on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest or Google+.
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