“But love your enemies, do good, and lend hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great…” – Luke 6:35
I can easily love my wife. She is precious to me. So are my kids. They have no problem getting and receiving my love. Others who treat me well? Same thing.
Let’s face it, some people are simply more like us – in appearance, in personality, in cultural heritage, in matters of faith, etc. We are attracted to this familiarity and sameness. It gives us comfort and calms us, knowing there are people who we can always rely on and identify with.
When we develop a natural, positive connection with our kind of people, showing love towards them is not difficult. It’s easier to act appropriately around them and demonstrate love to them because we see the world as they do. For our people, we would sacrifice much. If they were in need, we’d come to their aid without hoping for or expecting anything in return.
After all, not only do we like them and treat them well, they like us and treat us well. How could you not love someone like this?
I expect those in Jesus’ day felt much the same way. So it must have shocked their system when Jesus told them to “love your enemies” and show acts of love to those they considered unlovable. Can you imagine the expressions in the crowd when he said these words?
“You mean, love those people? They are not anything like me. Love your enemies? That’s even harder than loving those who are not like me. Why would I love those who hate me?”
Jesus Taught and Lived This Out
It doesn’t take much imagination to envision the reaction of the crowd. The statement “love your enemies” makes us squeamish some 2,000 years after Jesus said it. There are many ramifications to this line of thinking that stops us in our tracks, feeling like we would be unable to answer the calling. To love those who are not like us, or take advantage of us, or yes, even hate and persecute us, is next level living.
But Jesus left some positive teaching that showed us this may not be as hard as we think. A story he told in Luke 10:25-37 where a Samaritan man helped a Jewish man who had been beaten and left for dead near the roadside by some thieves serves as a practical example.
The Jews and Samaritans did not like one another. There were deep and long-standing ethnic divisions. For all intensive purposes, this Jewish man was in the Samaritan’s “unlovable” category.
Yet here we see the Samaritan showing love and compassion to someone unlike himself. It may have felt uncomfortable to help but the Jewish man’s life was literally on the line. All it took was recognizing a need and taking some small steps to meet that need. That’s the most practical thing we can do to begin to learn to love those we consider unlovable.
Taking it a Step Further
It’s one thing to meet the need of someone not like us. But it’s tougher when we know people actually do hate and despise us. Yet, here again, we see Jesus live this out. He took his teaching to the next level.
When Jesus said “love your enemies”, these were not hollow words to him. He did follow through on loving those who sought his harm, right down to the Roman leaders who ordered soldiers to carry out his execution. We know this because as Jesus hung on the cross about to breath his last he uttered these remarkable words,
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)
That is the ultimate expression of love – requesting forgiveness to those who are taking your life.
But realistically, in that moment, could that expression of caring and love actually result in a measure of return in someone else’s life? To us it doesn’t seem so. But that is not what happened.
Related Content: 8 Bible Verses About God’s Love You Should Never Forget
The End Game of Love Your Enemies
Why did Jesus live out this revolutionary teaching to the very end? For what purpose did he tell us to love your enemies?
Because of the chance that in some circumstance where we show love, one of our enemies will be turned.
Near the cross that day stood a Roman centurion. He probably had given his soldiers the order to drive the spikes into Jesus’ hands and feet. For three hours he and others watched as Jesus suffered through excruciating pain.
But he also listened. He heard everything that Jesus said. He saw Jesus’ mother and closest friend weep nearby. And as the skies grew dark in the middle of the day and an earthquake rocked the countryside moments after Jesus died, the centurion had these words to say,
“Truly, this Man was the Son of God.” (Mark 15:39)
No one could convince me otherwise that Jesus’ expressions of love and forgiveness did not affect this man’s thinking and thus, alter his entire life going forward. That’s the end result of loving your enemies – that they may be turned. It seems unfathomable. But one who once was an enemy, seemingly was one no longer.
Love Your Enemies Challenge
Every year during a special holiday in February, we shower expressions of love on people that are lovable. It’s easy to connect with people who are similar to us or who like us and, in turn, express our affection for them. In the grand scheme of things, that level of loving others requires little effort.
But love’s actions are put to the test when applied to those we see as unlovable.
And love is really tested when displayed to those who view us as the enemy. This type of love requires next level thinking and personal sacrifice.
So ask yourself, “Are either of these two groups worthy of receiving your love?”
Jesus thought so. Which is why he gave us the teaching to understand and the lived out example to follow. I’m not saying it will be easy. In fact, it will probably be the hardest love you ever show. But that is what Jesus called us to do.
So find a way to make this type of love happen. The end result could be something you never imagined.
Leave a Comment or Answer a Question Below: What person do you need to show love today? Do you find it hard to love the unlovable? How do you find the courage to love those who mistreat you? Do you think this is even practical in today’s world – that we should show love to those who hate us?
Greetings
I am trying to print this excerpt/blog ( Learning to Love the Unlovable…) to include the comments. Please, if possible provide a way for me to do so. I would love to reference and reflect upon both your writing and the comments.
Thank you! God Bless!
Up at 4am asking God why am I in this relationship that means me no good. My fiance is a handful, with struggles that has left me near to broke and yet I am still here with him. Every bone in my body says ” your dumb” for being with him, he is a manipulator and a liar due to his struggles. I read this, and I can’t even think right now… I need prayer please.
Youve already got SO much wisdom on the matter: The first thing you said was that it’s a relationship that means you no good.
His Financial struggles ARE devastating your finances, so you are unequal in that pairing. Hate to say this BUT you asked: the reason he MAY be in a relationship with you MAY NOT BE PURE: his financial needs may be the reason why he is with you. He may have some genuine love and affection for you which is great BUT since he has devastated his finances and is devastating yours, it demonstrates he is undisciplined in this critical area. I have a relative who got money for years out of anyone & every one he possibly could…for all different reasons (all lies), and there was NO ONE he wouldn’t tap for money, not even lifelong friends of his family’s.. ..Then a sibling discovered he’d been draining their parents funds and we learned he had a serious gambling problem. It ruined
relationships, lost his relationship with his daughter as she was mortified by him. And then she stopped communicating with all the rest of the family out-of embarrassment.
You two are not even married yet you’re allowing him to access your finances …BUT he has not committed himself before God and your families!!!
You NEED some time and distance from him to think more objectively for perspective, so you can view his undisciplined behaviors more critically….. His undisciplined financial lifestyle could also lead to unwanted future dangers for you & your future kids, like loansharks.
You are the only one who can guard yourself in this, and you would be guarding your future children too.
Right now you really cannot actually be 100% sure that he is with you for love-VS- financial dependence.
Do you want to find out for certain?
If so,, WHEN do you need to know? What would make you certain?
If he’s mature, he’ll HAVE to admit that you are being WISE for slowing down your relationship and insisting on some PRACTICAL steps YOU REQUIRE before you move forward with a lifelong commitment… like requiring him to commit to financial counseling with a Christian financial counselor. And if he is mature, he will agree you should be involved in hearing the practical steps he’s given and demonstrates to you and the counselor that he is actuallyimplementing the disciplines he’ll learn. And he needs to show LONG-TERM discipline in this matter by remaining accountable to the counselor & you living financially TRANSPARENT for at least 2+ years… . During that whole time he must be financially INDEPENDENT, NOT living OFF of anyone, ESPECIALLY NOT YOU or again, YOU WONT KNOW FOR SURE if he is with you outnof financial dependence or for love.
The writing will be on the wall plainly for you to see whether he actually implements those steps and new Financial strategies. They will be Financial disciplines for him.
Facts: He has NOT been showing ANY financial disciple by virtue of
1. Devastating HIS finances and
2. Devastating YOUR finances.
You’re NOT married,, so he has NO RIGHT to your finances except what you’ve been ALLOWING.
Now, my dear girl, I can’t say this LOUDLY enough, but STOP giving any of your SELF away when he is proving UNRELIABLE and UNTRUSTWORTHY and UNDISCIPLINED. If he’s any kind of a man WORTHY of you and your respect, he will HAVE TO ADMIT you’re being wise for making this demand to become financially SOUND. If he’s living with you, he is RELYING on you financially. He needs to prove he is able to support himself. If he can’t move out because he doesn’t make enough to support himself, that alone should make you think…: Hmmm, maybe 🤔 he REALLY IS only with me because he needs me for a place to live. So, set up a boundary/deadline: He has to either MOVE OUT anywhere else in 1 month. He’ll have to get another job or find someone else who will let him live off of them until he gets financially independent. But the GOAL should be that he demonstrates financial INDEPENDENCE, so any move to living at a friends or his parents should be temporary. He needs to implement the financial disciplines he’ll learn, live within his means and demonstrate he can do that LONG TERM… 2+ yrs.
Sure, you risk LOSING him if he gets financially independent…: he may not need you (your place, your money), but wouldn’t it be better to know that he was only staying with you for the roof you provided. Your financial independence may have been very appealing to him, seeing you had a place, utilities i.e. cable TV, Internet, etc… . Let him grow up and experience HOW HARD he has to work to achieve those things. How he has to either work hard for himself to please his customers or work hard for a boss, to be respectful and a discipled employee. All the things YOU have had to do to be the independent woman you are. Aren’t you PROUD of yourself when you pay your bills? When you can afford something on you WANT list, not just things on your NEED list. That’s because you discipled your SELF. Girl, don’t be unequally yolked (paired-up-with) a guy who won’t pull his weight. Literally, imagine the two of you are OXEN, pulling a cart with a full heavy load… imagine YOU are hooked-up-to-him but he’s being a lazy ox, letting YOU do ALL the heavy pulling, even pulling HIS weight. That’s what YOU are allowing. You’re allowing him to enjoy all the BENEFITS of being intimately involved in your daily life but without ANY of the shared responsibilities. Hope you learn to value your own hard work as an admirable trait… sounds like he’s not worthy of you. He may have some redeeming qualities bit until/unless he shows himself to be financially independent for the long haul, you’re headed toward a rough marriage. Unfortunately kids are DEVASTED by divorce, so you need to be your own lifeguard and theirs.
I feel for you but I really think you need to take ACTION even MORE than you need prayer. Prayers are intercessions we make asking GOD to move on our behalf when we are “powerless” in a situation. God leads, He guides us into truth when we ask, but He’s not going to MAKE His will happen in your life, I mean, He’s not going to “over-ride” your free will… . So, I’ll pray for Him to remove blinders you may have on…none of us want to believe ill of people we care about so we tend not to see their faults, or see through their lies. Have you considered making those demands on him, not continuing your relationship until/unless he goes for financial counseling and repairs his financial standing x2 years before you marry? How practical is that? You are not standing up for yourself. Aren’t you afraid if you marry him you’ll let him ruin your kids lives too. You are in control here. You don’t have to marry him. You don’t have to stay with him. Take care of YOU.
It is not easy to love people that mistreat you or hate you. I try my best to practice forgiveness and kindness. Even if someone dislikes me, I am not going to be mean or rude to them, but treat them as I would treat anyone else. Life is to short to get caught up in the petty things.
I agree Don…that’s a great perspective.
I don’t think I need to love those who treat me badly (fortunately I can’t really think of anyone), but I can practice forgiveness and move on. I try not to dwell in people who have wronged me in the past, but I don’t have warm and fuzzy feelings for them either. I think Jesus might be OK with that. 🙂
What I’ve learned as I’ve grown older is that the ‘wrongs’ against you committed by your enemies or people that you see as against you probably have very little clue as to the impact that they’ve made in your life, and that anger and hatred and all the other baggage actually makes it where you’re causing more impact on your life than they actually are. Many of the perceived slights or insults are not intentional, or done so with very little afterthought.
A truly profound sentiment that I really would have to work on to achieve. I must admit I do hold a grudge and tend to allow grievances to linger. Most of those I don’t love are primarily political big-wigs whom I believe are actively working to undermine this country. Only a couple of people who I believe to have wronged me individually. This is definitely something to ponder and work on.
“…I really would have to work on to achieve.” It is really tough Kathy. I’m not capable of doing it alone – with my own power. An inner strength is needed for this kind of love that I think only God can provide.